Rant: So You Think You Can Dance

Ok, here's one I've been holding in like a bad fish taco. To start, let me say that I happen to like this show. Nothing boosts my self esteem like watching young, attractive people doing things that I could never do without seriously throwing out my back or crushing a testicle.

One of the things I can't stand......CAN'T STAND.....is when the host, Cat Deeley, treats the audience like we're a bunch of elementary school kids in a special ed class. Every single episode, she HAS to come out and say, "Ladies and gentleman, here are your........(awkward pause)......"

And then the audience yells, "JUDGES!"

This freaking gimmick has been going on for at least two seasons, every episode, and shows no sign of stopping. Every time she does it, I feel like we're a bunch of animals in a circus, with a reward treat being held in front of our noses that we will get if we obey the trainers commands.

I feel like after I say the magic word, "JUDGES", a magical hand is going to pat me on the hand and go, "Gooood boy, he's a good boy!"

Cat - no offense, but for God's sake, drop that bit from your act. It was funny the first couple of times you did it. Now it just appears like you are a little full of yourself and getting off on the idea that your audience can finish your sentences. You don't see Jeff Probst saying, "The tribe has.............." and the rest of the contestants at tribal council yell, "SPOKEN!"

And while we're on the subject, Mary Murphy.......oh Mary Mary Mary. I try to see the good in all people. I really do. And I know deep down, underneath the makeup and Botox, there is a good heart in there.....but please, pretty please.....get off your high horse too.

The screaming has got to stop. You THINK it makes good TV, and it was actually funny the first few times you did it. But it's gone way past the point of annoying and now, I actually hit my cat every time you do it......not because I dislike animals, but hearing my cat scream in pain actually sounds more soothing than your cackling wail that you insist on doing after every dance routine.

It reminds me of something my father used to tell me growing up, "Jeff, get the f#ck off the table you little a$$h0l#." And after that, he would say, "Son, don't so the same things over and over again because it loses it's appeal."

That is true in both these situations: Cat Deeley baiting the audience to finish her stupid sentence, and Mary Murphy who thinks it's still fresh and funny to scream on the "hot tamale" train as if it's an actual ride I'd pay to go on. Your shows a hit, ladies....don't bring it down by trying to market yourselves with these stupid, old gimmicks that no longer work. Your viewing audience is more intelligent than that.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to do a Quickstep all the way to the bathroom.